


Polaris

by scarrletmoon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Insomnia, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, M/M, Star Gazing, Teen Angst, Walks In The Park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 15:59:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4570602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarrletmoon/pseuds/scarrletmoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First term of third year, a few weeks after Sawamura becomes team captain. Daichi is stressed about everything and can't sleep, so he decides to go for a walk - except there's already someone in his spot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Polaris

**Author's Note:**

> i could be sleeping, i could be doing the lord's work. i could be actually contributing to society and being an upstanding citizen.
> 
> but then strawberrytsukki's was all "daisuga stargazing fic" and some part of my brain though "wow! what a great idea, let's stay up until 3am to finish it" so i ended up with less stargazing and more anxiety. and i was so ready to finally put my astronomy knowledge to good use. i took a class and everything (there was so much math in that class, it was bad, i was bad at it).

Daichi couldn’t sleep. It was something that had been happening frighteningly often lately - he knew being captain of the team would be hard even with the other third years at his side but he hadn’t been prepared for this much stress. Making time for practice, watching every single one of his team members, keeping up with school work and worrying about his future plans and whatever weird crush he had going on was a lot harder to work into his schedule than he’d thought. He had no idea how anybody else did it and didn’t go crazy but he was starting to suspect that all the crazy happened behind closed doors. Maybe he was just expected to pretend he was fine for the rest of the year, and the year after graduation, and every year after that for the rest of his life until he didn’t have to stress out about anything else ever again because he was dead.

Daichi was beginning to come to the conclusion that being an adult actually meant being stressed 110% of the time.

He’d spent the past few hours unsuccessfully trying to distract himself long enough to get some rest. He’d stared up at the ceiling for what had felt like ten years, closed his eyes and tried to think of volleyball tactics he wanted to try out with the team later, tried to do homework that didn’t need a whole lot of concentration, tried to read a book, start a diary for the hundredth time in his life, anything and everything he could think of.

And none of it was working.

So that was why, at two o’clock in the morning, he was walking towards the park closest to his house, shivering a little in the late night cold, knowing that it was a bad idea to walk around late at night to go sit around in public spaces by himself but being too tired and anxious to care. Away from the dead, stale air in his room, he didn’t feel as trapped. Walking with a destination in mind gave him a goal to work towards that didn’t feel overwhelming. For the first time in weeks he didn’t feel like there was something dark was creeping over his shoulder and he was so relieved he felt like he was going to cry. By the time he got to the park he was already sniffing and could feel the tears starting behind his eyes, and he was glad no one was around to see-

There was a figure sitting by the pond already, right where Daichi had planned to sit and cry and think about his life for an hour. He felt sort of offended at first (that was _his_ spot), and then the fact that there was another person sitting around in the park at 2am became sort of unsettling and he stopped a few feet away, conflicted. The other person hadn’t spotted him yet so he could still get away and hope that he wasn’t walking past a murder suspect spending their last free moments by the water or something. Maybe they were just like him, Daichi tried to reassure himself, maybe they just couldn’t sleep either and they came here all the time just like he used to do in middle school with-

“Sawamura?”

Daichi froze. He’d been in the middle of turning away but now he’d been caught and this was it, this was how he was going to die, right here in this park just because he couldn’t sleep and was in the wrong place at the wrong time-

The figure was standing up now but Daichi was still frozen in place, staring at the figure whose face he couldn’t see yet. There were no streetlights here and the sky was clear but moonless so all he could make out was that they were about his height and slim. Their hair looked lighter though, and that jacket looked weirdly familiar-

Oh.

Daichi had no idea how Suga had recognised him from so far away in the dark, but he was glad he had. If there was anyone he definitely didn’t mind seeing while he was this stressed and messed up, it was Suga.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked, jogging a little down the slope towards the pond. He slipped a little but he totally played it off. It was dark. Suga wouldn’t notice.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Suga said, shrugging. “You?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Daichi hesitated and shoved his hands in his pockets because he didn’t know what else to do with them. “Um. Do you mind if I join you?”

“Oh! No, that’s fine. Star gazing is always more fun with someone else,” Suga said, sitting down again and lying on his back.

“Star gazing?”

Suga patted the ground next to him and after a second’s deliberation, Daichi obediently lay down. He was a little too close and by the time he realised his mistake it was too late to move away without seeming rude, but Suga didn’t seem to mind. He was already pointing up at the sky.

“There,” he said. “The rest of them are a little faint right now but you can still see Polaris. That’s-”

“The North Star,” Daichi finished. “You told me that once. When we were here before.”

Daichi couldn’t see it but he could hear the smile in Suga’s voice. “Worrying about high school entrance exams.”

“You worrying that you wouldn’t be good enough for the volleyball team,” Daichi reminded him.

“You worrying that we wouldn’t be friends anymore because we’d be too busy with other stuff,” Suga chuckled, playfully elbowing Daichi’s side.

They both sighed and then they laughed because all those problems seemed so minor now. Graduation was still months away but the way the teachers talked about it was like they could all close their eyes at any second and suddenly wake up with their entire high school careers behind them. Daichi knew how important it was but sometimes he wished that he could go a day without hearing about college applications and his parents asking how school was going and if he was going to keep playing volleyball in college and maybe he should make a career out of it if he’s not sure what else he’s going to do? He didn’t know how everyone else had managed to decide on what they want to do for the rest of their lives already. A year ago he didn’t even know which ice cream flavour was his favourite.

“Sawamura.”

Daichi turned to see that Suga was already looking at him. There was just enough light that Daichi could make out Suga’s face in the dim light, all concerned lines and deep frown. At some point, Suga had put his hand on Daichi’s, so they weren’t quite holding hands but they could if they wanted. Daichi wanted.

“I’m scared,” Suga whispered. Daichi titled his palm and slid their fingers together. Suga squeezed his hand so tightly that it hurt.

“Of what?” Daichi asked, although he already knew the answer.

“Everything.”

Suga turned back to the sky, still squeezing the life out of Daichi’s hand. But it was okay because Daichi was squeezing back just as hard. For a while it was just them, lying in the grass, listening the wind, the night insects and animals scrabbling around in the trees, watching clouds begin to drift by, still too thin to cover the stars. For a while all Daichi could feel is the boy next to him, breathing just as fast, heart beating just as hard and he remembered then, lying there, that when he looked at Suga why he realised why he hadn’t cracked just yet.

“Hey, Suga,” he said softly. “Look at me.”

Suga reluctantly peeled his eyes away from the stars. He looked as close to breaking as Daichi felt. If anything he was probably more stressed than anyone else they knew but probably thought he had to hold it together the longest. Suga was the one who took care of everyone else. It was never the other way around.

“We’ll be okay,” Daichi promised, as confidently as he could. “It always works out somehow with us, remember? So don’t worry.”

Suga nodded but not like he believed it. More like he wanted Daichi to think he believed it so no one would have to worry about him. It hurt to look at.

“You’re the most capable person I know,” Daichi went on, and Suga held his breath. “I trust you more than anyone else, but it’s okay to cry sometimes, okay? It’s okay to not be strong all the time.”

Suga nodded  again and then his face was crumpling and he was really crying, huge ugly tears that Daichi had never seen before and his heart ached to see him hurting like that and never saying a word before now. Suga lifted his free arm to hide his face but Daichi pulled him into his arms instead and Suga unclasped their hands to throw his arms around Daichi’s neck. Daichi doesn’t cry himself - that time passed back when he thought he was going to get stabbed in the neck earlier. But he stayed and rubbed Suga’s back and let him cry and cry into his shirt, long, silent, raking sobs until he’d finally cried himself out.

It was an accident really, the way it happened- Suga said something that Daichi didn’t hear so he made a little questioning noise just as he turned his head and Suga pulled back to repeat what he said, only their lips brushed for a split second that should’ve been totally insignificant - it’s inappropriate, isn’t it, to say anything about it when Suga is like this and they both anxious and probably still hormonal and they’re in the park in the middle of the night like total delinquents-

But then Suga was tentatively pressing his lips against Daichi’s like it was a test at first and he was waiting to be pushed away but really Daichi had forgotten to breathe and was wondering if maybe he fallen asleep next to Suga or on his way here or in his room where he never left.

Suga pulled back and looked at him, eyes still mostly red and puffy and Daichi asked, “Was that...was that just because you were sad?”

Suga took a second to honestly think about it but slowly shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

The second time was different. The second time was awkward because neither of them were entirely sure that what was happening was really _happening_ and Daichi hadn’t exactly prepared himself to be kissed at two in the morning and for a moment he worried that everything was going to be terrible but then he remembered that this was Suga. This was _Suga_ , who he’s trusted and been quietly in love with for months, Suga whose mouth was soft and warm on his, whose hand was steady on the side of his face with his thumb stroking his cheek as he tilted head and parted his lips. It’d been a while since Daichi had really kissed anyone and it’d never been exactly like this. But Suga kissed him slowly, carefully like this was important, and didn’t weirdly speed up or move too fast so Daichi never felt pressured to do anything spectacular or worried that he wasn’t doing enough. It made him realise how long he’d been waiting for this without realising. How long he’d been sitting on this out of the fear that admitting he had feelings for Suga would ruin everything. How long he’d been stressed out about nothing.

“I think you’re right,” Suga says when they stop. His eyes aren’t red anymore and he’s smiling a little again. Daichi loves that smile. “We’ll be okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> still haven't finished that artist!suga fic tho haha cremate me


End file.
